Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
Prologue: My World - Page 20 by theinexplicablebrony Prologue: My World - Page 20 by theinexplicablebrony
thank you for reading

Previous Page
Next Page
Add a Comment:
 
:iconstavekoff:
Critique by Stavekoff Jul 23, 2013, 1:53:05 AM
Alrighty, story wise and character wise, What you've got going here is up to far with the rest of what we've seen. All the Mane 6 are showing their personalities pretty well, with Rainbow's wondrous look, Fluttershy's quiet smile, AppleJack's and Rarity's satisfied grins, Twilight's and Pinkie's enthusiastic beams. Yeah, you have the characters down solid, so your Vision is pretty on the mark. It's pretty original, we've seen them star gazing before yeah, but they were with a much larger group, and this is just six friends hanging out having a swell time. However, there are a few really glaring issues that detract overall, mainly concerning anatomy. The first and most obvious problem is Pinkie Pie's face. I can obviously see what your going for with her expression, but the execution is really flawed. Her head is huge compared to the rest of the ponies, more like an alien gray than a pastel equine. Her left eye looks funny too, the way her cheek is affecting it. The lighting on the leg kicking upwards make it look longer than it actually is. The only other major flaw I've noticed that detracts are the wrinkle's on Twilight's snout. They make her look aged, and when removed, the expression has a better impact. Also AJ's Right eye is a different color from her left, although that's probably because of lighting.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
11 out of 11 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconimopman:
imopman Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2017
Really great buildup !
Reply
:iconfotland42:
fotland42 Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2015
The pieces are set. The game is about to start. May Faust be with you always.
Reply
:icontheinexplicablebrony:
theinexplicablebrony Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2015
lol "may the faust be with you"
incredible.
Reply
:icondocwario:
DocWario Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
applejacks hat being painted makes me happy
Reply
:icontheinexplicablebrony:
it makes applejack happy too
Reply
:iconarrjaysketch:
ArrJaySketch Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Ooh! This looks so cool! I can't wait to see more!

I absolutely love your artwork and coloring on this. I'm really excited! :D
Reply
:iconsonicandmario826:
sonicandmario826 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013
This comic is GOOD!!! GREAT!!!!! AWESOME!!!!! OUTSTANDING!!!! AMAZING!!!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconcommanderex:
CommanderEX Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2013
The comics have incredible quality, but I am worried about the story.

From the information about this comics and from what Celestia said, this comics seems like it will be:

Celestia and Luna do not inform Twilight and her friends about danger, because of this they lives are in danger again powerful foe, and while they fight to survive again beast what try to destroy them, Celestia and Luna watch and do absolutely nothing to help.

Please, let it not be think kind of story, please, I understand that Celestia is worried about Luna, but do she really care so little about Twilight and her friends that she put them into huge risk and do nothing to protect them ( without elements, mane 6 are normal ponies, while Celestia and Luna are very powerful, so it make no sense that mane 6 must risk lives and never get assistance ).
Reply
:icontheinexplicablebrony:
it is not that kind of story. dont worry
Reply
:iconcommanderex:
CommanderEX Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2013
I am keeping your word for this.
Reply
:iconthatguyontheinterweb:
ThatGuyOnTheInterweb Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Holysweetmotherofcelestia! I've been on deviantart for 7 months and I just find this treasure of a comic now?! It's amazing in every aspect: the art, the story, the mystery, the suspense, the... EVERYTHING! And this is only the prologue! Phenomenal job on these! You've earned yet another watcher and patiently waiting for your next release. :D
Reply
:iconcobeoe:
cobeoe Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2013
this is getting interesting
Reply
:iconallanpike:
Allanpike Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love that picture, their all so cute!
Reply
:iconnjamnjam2012:
NjamNjam2012 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Filmographer
This is the best drawing!!
Reply
:iconeamr262:
EAMR262 Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2013
Wow, the prologue is over! Feels like forever since it started.

"Checks first page" Jesus January 2, 2012!!!!! Over a year now, and the story is actually starting.

Can't really complain though, its been a fun ride, not only for the gorgeous art but for the writing as well :)
Reply
:icontheinexplicablebrony:
well i was in college and also went on a 6 month hiatus so
Reply
:iconeamr262:
EAMR262 Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2013
Of course, real life always takes priority, but in case I sounded ungraceful let me assure you I am not: this has been a wonderful ride and I glad I've been here from the beginning :)
Reply
:icontheinexplicablebrony:
right on. well either way i hope i will be able to produce chapters faster in the future.

to be honest i would love it if i could get some other artists to work with me on this. get a crew. an inker maybe, and colourist. or someone who would draw all the ponies and i could draw all the backgrounds.

i don't really care about getting sole credit for this thing, i just want to tell a story. the faster i can tell it, the happier i'd be.
Reply
:iconeamr262:
EAMR262 Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2013
You can always request that via EqD, since I'm sure there are artist willing to help, I know I would (but sadly I'm a pilot).

Either that or post a journal requesting help, since its common pony artist follow others as well.
Reply
:icontheinexplicablebrony:
right? i tried advertising once on EqD already and nobody replied. I got a couple inkers before but most of them were flakes.
Reply
:iconeamr262:
EAMR262 Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2013
Hum, well to be honest I have been seeing this trend between pony artist against request/free work: somehow they are developing this mindset that anything like that is an insult to their skills, and people who made those request are uncaring, souless a-holes that should know better...

Now don't get me wrong that kind of though is understandable, but at the same time: isnt fanart supposed to be a fun little hobby for the serious/professional artist?
Reply
:icontheinexplicablebrony:
i don't know what fanart is supposed to be. but basically I am saying that I have a massive, 12 chapter story. and sure I could tell the whole story myself, if i took years to do it—and I would certainly like to tell the whole story!

if no-one ever helps me I will keep working until, god willing, I finish it.

but still, it might be nice to tell the story a little faster. and my specialties are backgrounds, i'm not a very good character artist. you can tell from the early pages of the story i had no idea what was doing! sure I'm getting better now but I'll always be a little slow there. it would be cool to have someone really great at drawing characters to bring life and verve to them as i tell the story.

maybe someone would have fun working to tell a big story with another artist. I mean, no-one likes to draw things for someone, forever, for free, but in this case I'm another artist; it would be more like a long-term collaboration! i dunno. i guess every skilled artist out there has their own ideas for things they want to draw.

I know I sure do, I couldn't spare much time to draw anyone else's stuff. but that's because the workload i've assigned myself on this comic is so huge.

I've always wanted to work on something with someone. i've always thought it would be super fun and inspiring and give me the energy and dialogue i need to really up my production value and speed. i always used to try and join projects and help people. but nobody ever followed through, or I ended up being the only one doing the work. stuff like that.

I don't know really where I was going with this.

I guess the upshot is that I don't ever expect anyone to want to work with me on this, but I really wish someone would, because i think i have a pretty great story and i would love to read it when it's done—and i would hope that other people would enjoy it too.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconretovian:
Retovian Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013
nice..very nice
Reply
:icongittonsxv:
gittonsxv Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013
i am confused slightly, what is this a prologue to and what is it about?
it looks good but i feel like i am missing something...no idea what.
the meteor is..some stone? luna is scared of something, twilight has a book for some reason..
help? i am lost :/
Reply
:icontheinexplicablebrony:
it is the prologue to my fancomic! 'friendship update'

On my DA front page, you can see the cover and the summary.

"A meteor shower sweeps across Equestria, bringing with it a strange atmosphere that slowly settles across the country.

As Twilight and her friends fall victim to the descending shadow, a mysterious presence threatens to wipe out the mane 6 and the elements of harmony before they're even aware of its existence."


I'm afraid I can't actually TELL you what luna is scared of, or why twilight has the book, or any of these things, or else there wouldn't be any point in me writing the rest of the chapters.
Reply
:icongittonsxv:
gittonsxv Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2013
no need, i understand it enough now and i am excited for the next chapter.
Reply
:icontemporos:
temporos Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This was just the prologue, and it already beats all the official comics easily.
Reply
:icontheinexplicablebrony:
this aint a competition. IDW does a great job anyway
Reply
:icontemporos:
temporos Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I agree; they do a great job. I just think your comic is better. :)
Reply
:iconkrellionr:
KrellionR Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013
I really like this page.

Any chance you could release a wallpaper-style version?
Reply
:icontheinexplicablebrony:
oh yeah maybe
Reply
:iconheimobauss:
HeimoBauss Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
OMFG so hyped for next one!
This really is going to be an amazing thing.

_______
...
*checks next*
...oh... :c
Reply
:iconpunk-pegasus:
Punk-Pegasus Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Incredibly beautiful so far! I'm looking forward to more!
Reply
:iconmrspartin:
MrSpartin Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
The suspense is killing me!
Reply
:iconanzul:
anzul Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013
just curious here, will you start the work on the next chapter right away, or will you be doing some other stuff before??

i wouldnt mind seeing some other stuff from you, other characters, or maybe art of another show!
Reply
:icontheinexplicablebrony:
my unpøni art is spread out between my *sleepcircle account and sleepcircle.tumblr.com

i am pretty flattered you want to see my other stuff! but yeah i plan on heading on to the next chapter now
Reply
:iconanzul:
anzul Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013
i`ll be checking those out!
Reply
:iconsolaceandsilence:
SolaceAndSilence Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013  Student Writer
Le end of prologue? Le beginning of actual story??

*le squee*
Reply
:icongray--day:
Gray--Day Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
A great appetite for a great story was stirred among your readers with this prologue. That I'm certain of.
Reply
:iconcatswel:
Catswel Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013  Student Digital Artist
what ....the end! it is the end the end the end!!!!!!!!
Reply
:icon12girlwithadream:
12girlwithadream Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
nope that was just the whole prologue :D
Reply
:iconcatswel:
Catswel Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Student Digital Artist
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Reply
:iconguardianangell13:
GuardianAngell13 Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013  Student Digital Artist
OhMiGosh OhMiGosh OhMiGosh OhMiGosh OhMiGosh OhMiGosh OhMiGosh OhMiGosh OhMiGosh OhMiGosh OhMiGosh OhMiGosh
I cannot WAIT to read more!!
Reply
:iconfoxy-noxy:
Foxy-Noxy Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013  Student Digital Artist
End of the prologue? Time to re-read it! Can't wait for the next part. :D
Reply
:icontridgeon:
Tridgeon Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
whoooooooo!
Reply
:iconmotbob:
motbob Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013
Do you want critique on everything about the comic or just the art?
Reply
:icontheinexplicablebrony:
everything about the comic
Reply
:iconmotbob:
motbob Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013
I'll make this critique a comment since it doesn't have anything to do with the art, which is really good.

This comic needs snappier writing. There was a phrase I used when editing a friend's fanfic: the way he wrote the Mane 6 was "accurate but lifeless." That's how I feel about the writing here. Each sentence uttered by the Mane 6 is just about the most generic thing they could say, and it makes the dialogue plod along.

I don't think it is a coincidence that things picked up when you got to Celestia/Luna. I think that you wrote those characters better because you had more freedom to write them how you wanted to.

If you don't have an editor, I would REALLY recommend getting one. Everyone who writes benefits hugely from an editor. Find someone who you can trust to get an honest opinion and send them your scripts and sketched pages.

Comics are only as good as their writing. You're nailing the art, now nail the writing.
Reply
:icontheinexplicablebrony:
cant. dont have anyone
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×




Details

Submitted on
June 23, 2013
Image Size
496 KB
Resolution
720×1080
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
20,132 (3 today)
Favourites
335 (who?)
Comments
82

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 License.
×