I like your style and the story is interesting... I just have one pet peeve in regards to Starswirl... It is almost certain that he was not alive during Celestia and Luna's reign. The HWE pagent has Clover the Clever as Starswirl's student. That makes him already old during that period and--if not already gone--on his way out. Starswirl is constently refered to as living in the Pre-Classical Era, to me that means that either, the arrival of Celestia and Luna or the founding of Equestria is the beginning of the Classical Era. This doesn't make it impossible for them to have crossed paths... but it does make it unlikely at best.
... Of course this is all my own head canon and meaningful only to myself... so yeah... Like I said, I'm interested to see where this goes. :3